Blank

    I feel so blank today as if i have nothing to think about. I think my memory is so full that is refusing to work any longer. I want to go to bed and start reading my buck my J.D.  Sallinger. I just love this guy. when i first saw the title  i thought is one of the Romanian writers and i'm not into reading them so much, i am not saying that they are not good, bust just that they are not my kind. "Catcher in the rye" is really a cool book, i recommend it. I couldn't believe my eyes when i saw that it was written more than 50 years ago because it had nowadays stories. 

     Last night i couldn't sleep. I was feeling so hot. At first i  removed my blouse because i was lazy to change and i slept with it, with singlet under and also bra. Then i removed my bra without taking my singlet off. I was still dieing of heat and i was turning on all sides. Then i realized i wasn't comfortable with my pillow and  i noticed it wasn't my pillow, so i changed it. And i still couldn't sleep. I thought i am feeling hot because of my fleece pijammas that usually make me feel so warm, but it wasn't so. I wore another pair of trousers, made of cotton this time. Then i remembered David. How i wish i could call him and we meet. But i know he will not pick my calls. How i wish i know why. Why he is behaving so weird, i really don't know. It made me put myself so many questions. I imagine calling him and he picks and i go see him. But that would feel so weird after what he did so us to see again . I think we would both dodge to look at each other and we wouldn't know what to say. How i wish i could invite him out and we go have  a coffee together. But i think i am not good enough to make him want something like that. 

  Then i remembered Croco our hamster that dies in the morning of the new year. I was so sad and i couldnt believe that it happened. I don't know what happened to him. We found him with blood on his mouth.I think he had an internal bleeding. I thought he died of cold but it wasn't like that. I blamed myself for not taking good care for him i wonder if i would have given him more attention none of this would have happened, or what is written to happen will eventually happen no matter what we do. Or somebody just invented this story so that we will stop thinking over and over again what if?

   Alex called me in the morning and i succeded to tell him that i will go to embassy next week, that i have received the documents. He asked me why i am talking like that if i was sleeping and when i said yes he said he will allow me sleep and he will call me later. Of course i 10 pm now and he hasnt called. I think he knows i will be asking him for money so he is avoiding it. 

   I felt scratches on my back and my left hand was paining me the most. My brother called me but i didn't want to pick. I was so upset of getting allergy again. This time was worst then any other times, if you don't count the one when only my neck was swelling and i was suffocating. 

   I slept until 1 again. I woke up when Adriana ring the bell. I went to change. As usually i am extremely hungry in the morning and i usually go straight to eating before any other thing. I suppossed to take my eutirox pill and then wait 30 minutes before eating. But the eutirox is finished and even if i have it in the morning i am too hungry to wait so long. after eating a bowl of oatmeal with Soya milk. i decided to try soya milk because i noticed i don't feel good when i drink cow milk. Then i had a coffee and i decided to make some Google research on allergies. I found an articlel where it talked about a diet that sounded like this: 4-5 you drink only fresh fruits juices, after you eat only fruits and vegetables for about 4 weeks. After the 1st week you can start introducing another group of aliments and watch what happens. So i bought 3 kilos of apples,  2 kilos of oranges and 4 pears. So  this afternoon i ate only 2 oranges and 2 cups of fresh juice. I hope i can handle it  for 4-5 days, at least until Tuesday when i will go to Spring Time with Elena I am going to continue reading my book because i don't see amything productive to do. I will also take with me in the bed a nurse's book so that i can prepare for the exam. good night!